A Beginner’s Guide To Anal Sex

a woman's bum with cut off jeans pulled down

People aren’t so anal when it comes to sex. In fact, according to The National Survey of Family Growth in 2016, 78% of men and women have tried it at least once. Why? We all know that men have a prostrate, which feels incredible when stimulated, but there’s more to anal penetration than just that. The anus is also packed with nerve ending that are receptive to stimulation and can result in anal orgasms for both men and women.

The Talk

Everyone likes surprises and everyone like sex. So, the two should be combined, right? Wrong.

Talk about just ‘sticking it in’; it may be something new to the other person or something they have wanted to ask you. Make sure you are both in agreement that it’s something you want to try, and it’s not one person doing it to please the other. Communicating our preferences and worries is important and an easy way to gage where your partner stands on the issue.

If they’re not totally sold on the idea, don’t push it. Suggest watching anal porn together instead or offer to massage their lower back, thighs, and bum cheeks. If you want to make your partner feel comfortable about anal stimulation, preparation will help ensure a smooth and pleasurable experience.

Preparation is Key

Sex can be messy, and even more-so when it comes to anal play. There are simply steps to take which will ensure that your experience is clean, safe and fun. Before any anal play; make sure you use the toilet at least 30 minutes in advance and wash the area around the anus thoroughly. Through washing beforehand, it reduces the risk that germs will spread, it limits unpleasant smells and tastes, and it helps dispel any fears about hygiene and cleanliness. For those wanting to be squeaky clean; using an enema or douche, like Whirling Spray Unisex Douche (£15.99, kinky.co.uk), 3-4 hours beforehand will help release any build up. This step is not needed, and is more of a personal preference than a hygiene essential.

To keep things especially clean you can use condoms, and make sure that no anal-to-vaginal penetration occurs as this can result in her developing an infection. If you do decide to mix anal and vaginal penetration, change condoms or toys between acts. Clean toys thoroughly after use with warm water and soap, or Sextoy Cleaner (£6.99, kinky.co.uk). https://www.kinky.co.uk/sextoy-cleaner.html

Don’t Forget the Lube

Since the anus does not lubricate itself, lube will make the experience more comfortable and pleasurable. Pjur Back Door Comfort Anal Glide (£14.99, kinky.co.uk) is a great choice, working well for use both with toys and body parts. For those who are sensitive or looking for something ultra-thick, Doc Johnson’s Anal Lube (£13.99, kinky.co.uk) is a petroleum jelly based lube that provides plenty of comfort and glide.

Creams and lubes that numb the anus should be avoided – pain is a sign that something isn’t right and without these signs you could cause some serious damage. If you feel any pain, stop what you’re doing, relax, and try it again.

Getting Started

Foreplay is a major part of the act and can help prepare you and your partner for bigger things to come. If your partner isn’t sufficiently relaxed and aroused, you’re going to struggle getting anything in there. A body massage can be a great way to get a partner into a relaxed state. Don’t just focus on the area around the anus – kiss, nibble, stroke and stimulate their neck, nipples, thighs, and any other area that gets them in the mood. You may also want to try some rimming before moving on exploring further with a (lubed up) finger or small sex toys, like a Small Anal Plug (£14.99, kinky.co.uk).

Once the muscles are relaxed and warmed up, it’s time for the main event. When it comes to anal play, many assume that the same positions that are good for vaginal sex will be good for anal too. This isn’t always the case. Spooning can be a good starter as it’s highly flexible, comfortable and accommodating to couples of varying sizes. Penetration is shallower here, and rocking slowly allows both partners to get used to new sensations. Anal play takes time and patience; you may need to build up to full penetration over a couple of sessions, but it’ll be worth the wait!

Finally, remember to communicate and give feedback. Communication isn’t just about what is said; it’s also about reading each other’s bodies, how they respond to different movements and positions, the sounds they make, and the faces they pull.

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