Is Fantasising Good For a Relationship?

Man on top of woman in bed looking at the camera

We are all guilty of it – fantasising about other people that is. Even if you’re in a relationship with someone you love, some of the most common sexual fantasies involve other people. A recent survey of 1,300 women by Lovehoney found that 42 percent of men and 46 percent of women thought of someone else during sex. So, it’s pretty normal, but is it really OK to think about someone else during sex?

When Is Fantasising A Problem?

If you find yourself thinking about someone else while in the middle of an intimate act, you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. However, if you find yourself fantasising about someone else on a regular basis, or in order to get you in the mood, it might be that your fantasy has become a coping mechanism to handle your feelings about your relationship. If this is the case, take a step back and evaluate your relationship and see if there are some bigger issues at play.

Fantasising Isn’t Necessarily a Bad Thing

Can you remember the last time you fantasized about someone else? These thoughts are not uncommon, but most will take these sexy thoughts to their grave and never talk about it with their partner.

Most of us will fantasise at some point or another, and it’s about time we all accepted it. Both of you may truly love each other, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get sexually excited by someone else. If you’re having these thoughts – what makes you think your partner isn’t? Instead of shying away, or burying the guilt deep inside your head; open up and indulge in it. Fantasising can amp up arousal, and it can be fun and adventurous to share what turns you on.

How To Fantasise With Your Partner

If you are considering sharing your fantasies with your other half, you need to start by evaluating your own relationship. Do you feel comfortable? Are you happy in your relationship? If you’ve answered yes to these questions, then your relationship has a sturdy foundation to make this work. If, however, you’ve answered no to these – it’s time to really reflect on the situation. You can’t have an unhappy relationship and hope a sexy fantasy will hold it together.

Communication is Important

Do you and your partner share intimate details? When you find a girl sexy, can you tell your partner that you think that she’s hot? If you’re both comfortable enough to talk about each other’s crushes, sexual desires, and other little kinks, it’s a definite sign that you’re both happy and ready to share your thoughts; good and bad!

If you’re insecure, jealous or find it hard to deal with the fact that your partner could have a crush on someone else – this is not for you. You, the relationship, or both, may be too fragile to try fantasising together. It really does take trust and love to try something new in bed, especially something that is intimate and risqué.

Talk About What Turns You On

Before delving straight into your deepest and darkest fantasies, why not test the waters by talking to your partner about the little naughty things that occur in your day-to-day life. You can start by describing or talking about the things that turn you on now and then. Whether it was a flirty conversation with a someone at work or a sex toy you found online – there’s plenty of sexy situations that often get our heart racing.

When you’re both comfortable and ready to take it up a notch, introduce these fantasies into your foreplay. Get your partner to close their eyes, or if you’re feeling especially kinky use a blindfold. Then begin to recount a sexy incident that recently happened, while running your hands and fingers along your partner’s body. Speak slowly and use elaborate details to help your partner visualise the situation. Remember you’re trying to arouse your partner’s sexual interest as well as yours, so throw in something that you know will turn them on and don’t be afraid to bring out those dirty thoughts that you’ve been hiding all this time!

Fantasising about someone else can be a lot of fun, as long as both of you keep an open mind and feel secure about each other. So are you?

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