A Beginner’s Guide To Sexual Domination

A whip and a heel on a wooden background.

Dominance and Submission is an alternative relationship in which a top or dom controls the actions, emotions, and will of the bottom, or sub. The relationship consists of two people who are mutually consenting adults who agree on a direction for their relationship. They agree that one of the partners will take the dominant, controlling role, and the other partner, the submissive, controlled role.

It can be hard for women to imagine themselves as a whip-wielding dominatrix. The thought of inflicting pain or being aggressive to a partner can also be uncomfortable and frightening.

Taking the lead is more than just leather cat suits and spanking; it’s about striking a balance between being aggressive and being you. Get the balance right, and you’ll love every second of the experience. Being in control will do wonders for your self-confidence, your sexual satisfaction, and your desire to be in control of your own sexuality will drive your partner wild.

Communication

When it comes to any form of BDSM, safety and communication are paramount. Every relationship is different; every person is different. What happens if your partner likes the idea of having hot wax poured all over you, but you’re horrified at the idea of hurting him? There are plenty of variations and kinks, so take the time to discuss what turns you on and those kinky fantasies that you’ve been wanting to try. Create an environment of patience, trust, and willingness and let the process work itself.

When discussing your dos, remember to list your don’ts. If you’re scared or turned off by some of his suggestions, just say no and explain why. Be gentle with each other, don’t judge, and focus on the fantasies that work for you both.

Domination and Boundaries

When you assume a position of power over your partner, it’s important to remember that their boundaries need to be carefully observed. When first experimenting with domination and submission, your likely to take things slowly and progress gradually, but this isn’t to say that those boundaries won’t be reached early on in your relationship. For this reason, couples need to be sensitive to each other’s needs and be aware of what they are happy to explore together.

Negotiations and safewords are imperative as they define the outer parameters and ensure that both you and your partner get the most from the scene. The art of being a good dom is learning to recognise where the edges are and trail just within them.

Your safeword can be anything you choose, but as the dominant it’s your job to set it. Make sure you choose a word that you will both remember and above all, stop your session completely when the word is used.

Control

Telling your partner what to do, and/or physically controlling their body is much harder than it looks. It takes practice, which is why you should start with short and simple scenes, easing your way into different forms of dominance.

To avoid stage fright, you can try vocalising your desires with soft vocal commands such as; I want you to…, We’re going too…, Take off your…, and so on. This gives you the opportunity to vocalise your desires, alleviate and nervousness, and start off with something simple and non-threatening.

Closed questions also work well in a Dominance and Submission scenario. Asking your lover if he’s enjoying what you’re doing allows you to lead play in the direction you’re going and assert your dominance.

Don’t be afraid to lean heavily on your toys to help establish control. Bondage is a tool used by the dom to restrict movement, or immobilise the sub. During bondage, the dom has complete control over the sub, but this depends on the type of binding used. There are a variety of restraints available, each serving its own purpose, so discuss these with your partner before your scene.

When a sub is bound, the chance for injury jumps drastically, and the sub is in no position to defend or assist himself. It is an act of total submission to allow yourself to be bound, so the dom must be in complete control when handling a bound sub and equipment should be tested regularly.

Being Comfortable

As with any sexual experience – don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you have something in mind, talk it out and work your way slowly up to it. There’s no point dressing up, using toys and trying daring positions if you’re nervous and massively out of your comfort zone. It’ll show.

Remember, this is about you having a good time and exploring yourself sexually. So, do what you want and/or need to do to ensure that it’s an amazing experience for you. Keep your limits in mind and communicate with your partner, so that both of you can get the most from this experience.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *