A Beginner’s Guide To Mild Domination

sex woman kneeling down

BDSM is a grouping of two different things that are often but not always combined; sensation play and power dynamics. If someone is getting off on the feeling of being restrained and spanked, that’s sensation play. If they get excited at the thought of being overpowered and disciplined, that’s the power dynamic. Domination can be a combination of both, depending on what you and your partner enjoy. Communicate your desires and encourage your partner to do the same – this will help you both establish and understand what you want from the experience.

Safety First

When it comes to BDSM, safety is key. Enthusiasts and practitioners have developed a thorough set of guidelines and rules to make these sessions, no matter how extreme, positive and safe. All these and more are available online, but let’s cover the basics.

As with most elements of BDSM, always discuss and pick a safeword and double check that you’re both aware of the word and that when it is said the session is stopped completely. If your scene includes complex or skilled elements – knife play or extreme breath play for example – you need to take the time to familiarise yourself with the tools and practice in a low-pressure situation beforehand. Learning to perform physical skills in a hot and sexy scene could make the difference between a good scene and a trip to A&E.

Communication is Important

Every relationship is different; every person is different. You may like the idea of having hot wax poured all over you, but your partner might be uncomfortable with the idea of hurting you. You should talk through the scene more than once and agree on safe words, what the outcome of the scene is, and what to avoid. When discussing your dos, don’t forget to mention your don’ts. If you’re anxious or turned off by some of your partner’s suggestions, just say no and explain why. Be gentle with each other, don’t judge and focus on the fantasies that work for you both.

Edging and Orgasm Denial

Edging is something a lot of people will choose to do when they are alone. They’ll do it during masturbation to try and keep themselves right on the edge of orgasm for as long as possible. However, it is also a lot of fun to do with your partner!

Some refer to it as orgasm denial, but you will basically bring your partner as close to the edge of orgasm as you can. When they are close, you’ll stop and let them come back down from it without letting them cum. You’ll do this over and over again until they beg for you to let them cum. It leads to an incredibly intense orgasm!

Spanking

Although you might be tempted to go straight for whips and spanking paddles. Spanking is a lot of fun to try in the bedroom, but many don’t want to go too hard. They want to try it but don’t want to be left red raw afterwards.

So instead try a little light spanking. While in doggy style, ask your partner to lightly spank your ass. If you enjoy it, you can ask for more. You can also tell them if they have gone too hard. Either way, while in doggy style you’ll find that this is the perfect position for it.

Tie and Tease

Found that the striptease really gets you going? There is another form of mild domination you can explore, and that is the tie and tease.

You can choose to tie them to the bed or to a chair. You don’t even need specialist bondage rope, as a dressing gown tie or your work tie will do. Either way you’ll tie them up and tease them as much as you can. Now they cannot touch you, which is going to make things even more exciting! You can even add a blindfold for an extra level of excitement.

After any form of BDSM, however mild it may be, it is important that both you and your partner engage in after care. Once a BDSM play scene has ended, it hasn’t really ended - the intimate and emotional connections will still be there, and so aftercare is important for everyone involved. The time following the end of the scene is an important time to strengthen the emotional connection and the feeling of well-being for both of you.  It’s also a time to show each other how much you enjoyed the scene, and to debrief. When the adrenaline has worn off a day or two later, you’ll want to talk about how things went, whether or not you want to try it again, what you would change, and so on.

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