A Look at Advanced Domination

Two women dominate a man

BDSM is a grouping of two different things that are often but not always combined; sensation play and power dynamics. If someone is getting off on the feeling of being restrained and spanked, that’s sensation play. If they get excited at the thought of being overpowered and disciplined, that’s the power dynamic. Domination can be a combination of both, depending on what you and your partner enjoy. Communicate your desires and encourage your partner to do the same, this will help you both understand what you want from the experience.

Now, there’s no real limit to how extreme BDSM can get. Again, communication is important as it will help establish boundaries and ensure you both get the most from your session(s).

Safety First

When it comes to BDSM, safety is key. Enthusiasts and practitioners have developed a thorough set of guidelines and rules to make these sessions, no matter how extreme, positive and safe. All these and more are available online, but let’s cover the basics.

As with most elements of BDSM, always discuss and pick a safeword, and then double check that you both remember the word and that when it’s said the session is stopped completely. If your scene includes complex or skilled elements, such as knife play or extreme breath play, you need to take the time to familiarise yourself with the tools and practice using them in a low-pressure situation beforehand. Learning to perform physical skills in a hot and sexy scene could make the difference between a mind-blowingly sexy scene and a trip to A&E.

If your session includes elements of Cock and Ball Torture (CBT), bondage, or rope play, the dominant partner should keep an eye on circulation; increased pressure in the area due to squeezing or clamping can result in cutting off circulation completely. It is quite normal to experience a dull ache in the testicles post-session, but this should not last for a prolonged period of time. If the pain persists, you feel continually nauseous, or you notice any swelling or blood spots underneath the skin – seek medical attention immediately.

Electro play is common within advance BDSM play. The biggest risk of electro-stimulation is passing a current through the heart, so ensure that the toy is turned off before making connections as you could inadvertently pass a current through the chest or head. Also remove all body jewellery and piercings if you want to avoid burning or damaging the skin. Don’t use any electro play devices if you are pregnant, epileptic, have any heart problems, or have a pacemaker fitted.

Communication is Important

Every relationship is different; every person is different. You may like the idea of having hot wax poured all over you, but your partner might be uncomfortable with the idea of hurting you. You should talk through the scene more than once and agree on safewords, what the outcome of the scene is, and what to avoid. When discussing your dos, remember to mention your don’ts. If you’re anxious or turned off by some of your partner’s suggestions, just say no and explain why. Be gentle with each other, don’t judge, and focus on the fantasies that work for you both.

Edge Play

There are two types of edge play, personal edge play and general edge play. The former is any activity that pushes personal limits. It can be anything; it depends on an individual’s personal boundaries. If someone were afraid of the dark, then blindfolds or sensory play involving light would be edge play to that individual.

General edge play is what most people refer to as edge play. This is an activity that most of us would agree pushes the limits of safety and/or sanity. For some, it could be that they enjoy the feel of a cold-metal edge against their skin, or the idea of removing wax from a naked body with a blade. Breath play, blood play, humiliation play, medical play, and knife play all come under the umbrella of edge play.

Knife Play

Knife play often involves moving a blade across sensitive areas of the body, threatening safety with a knife, and minor scratches and abrasions that might result from pressing the blade gently against the skin. Milder forms of this kink include removing clothing with the aid of a knife, displaying the blade while the sub is securely bound, or simply threatening to use a knife on your partner. More extreme forms include using two knives, utilising the handle of the blade for blunt impact, or combining electro-stimulation with knife play.

Medical Play

There are many facets to medical play; some forms involve an intimate examination, wherein the dominant partner performs ‘medical’ procedures on the submissive patient. There are a number of medical devices and medical fetish toys that can be used during these sessions from a doctor’s stethoscope to speculums (£30.00, kinky.co.uk) to penis plugs (£17.99, kinky.co.uk), and more. Medical play can also include erotic toys such as pumps, latex gear, and bondage. More intrusive procedures may involve the acting out of an anaesthesia fetish, needle play, or the insertion of urethral sounds.

Mummification

This kink is a specialized form of bondage play in which an individual is completely immobilised. They can be wrapped in a variety of materials from cling film to more traditional bandages. Some enjoy being left for a period of time in a state of sensory deprivation, while others enjoy being sensually stimulated in this extremely restrictive state – it really depends on the preferences of the individual.

After any extreme form of BDSM, it is important that both you and your partner engage in after care. Once a BDSM play scene has ended, it hasn’t really ended – the intimate and emotional connections will still be there, and so aftercare is important for everyone involved. The time following the end of the scene is an important time to strengthen the emotional connection and the feeling of well-being for both of you.  It’s also a time to show each other how much you enjoyed the scene, and to debrief. When the adrenaline has worn off a day or two later, you’ll want to talk about how things went, whether or not you want to try it again, what you would change, and so on. This way, both you and your sub leave happy and fulfilled from the experience.

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