A Beginner’s Guide To Fantasies

Sexy woman kneeling

Sexual fantasies are completely normal. Even if you’ve not yet discovered your sexual fantasies or what turns you on, you probably have them. It’s just a matter of digging deep and finding them.

Not sure where to start? It might be that something is holding you back from exploring and acknowledging your fantasies. Are you afraid of what your fantasies might say about you? or what your partner may think? If this is the case, it’s important to recognise that fantasies as an adult version of play. They allow us to discover and act out other aspects of our personality or take on completely different roles, without commitment. They don’t need to mean or say anything about you.

Find Out What Turns You On

Sometimes fantasies will just come to you on a rainy day. Other times they need to be coaxed out. If you’re looking to uncover your fantasies, here are some sources of inspiration:

– What do you think about when you masturbate? Maybe you always think about the cold metal against your skin? or what it would be like to be caught?

– Have you been turned on by a particular sex scene in a book? or something you saw in a movie or a TV shows? What did you like?

– Read through a list of common fantasies online (there are plenty of them!). Then try ranking those in order of least to most appealing. One or two of those might stir something in you…

– If you’re feeling particularly creative, why not try writing your own erotica?. If you give yourself lots of space to be creative, some common themes might emerge.

Finding what works for you might take time, so keep an open mind and give yourself the freedom to open up to your desires.

Once you recognise your sexual fantasies, your next step might be to try to incorporate them into your sex life.

Talk About What Turns You On

Before delving straight into your deepest and darkest fantasies, why not test the waters by talking to your partner about the little naughty things that occur in your day-to-day life. You can start by describing or talking about the things that turn you on now and then. Whether it was a flirty conversation with a someone at work or a sex toy you found online – there’s plenty of sexy situations that often get our heart racing.

Here are some Do’s and Don’ts:

– Start slowly, especially if you are with a new partner or someone who you have not played with in this way before.

– Take your time and see what feels right.

– Don’t through the images and thoughts that come to mind. Let yourself linger in the moment – it’ll also give your partner more time to visualise what you’re describing.

When you’re both comfortable and ready to take it up a notch, introduce these fantasies into your foreplay. Get your partner to close their eyes, or if you’re feeling especially kinky use a blindfold (£4.99, kinky.co.uk). Then begin to recount a sexy incident that recently happened, while running your hands and fingers along your partner’s body. Speak slowly and use elaborate details to help your partner visualise the situation. Remember you’re trying to arouse your partner’s sexual interest as well as yours, so throw in something that you know will turn them on and don’t be afraid to bring out those dirty thoughts that you’ve been hiding all this time!

Consider Alternatives

If your partner doesn’t seem to be into the scene you’re describing/acting out or vice versa, think about how it can be modified, and explore alternative ways to make it happen. For example – if you’ve always wanted to try a schoolgirl role-play scenario, but your partner’s uncomfortable dressing up in ‘costume’; why not opt for a something that’s a little more subtle like the Prep School Set (£27.99, kinky.co.uk)? It’ll ease your partner into role-play while still ticking all your boxes!

This doesn’t mean that you’ll never get to live out your fantasies. Instead, think of it like foreplay. You need to warm your partner up and get them in the mood before the main event!

Acting Out A Fantasy Doesn’t Change You

No matter what you try in bed, you’re not suddenly a different person because of it. Exploring your fantasies is a chance for you and partner to build on your intimacy and figure out what you both like and don’t like.

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